it was saturday. and He had finally come home.

 

He came to the synagogue, like He always did. a few greeted Him politely, more whispered among themselves. is that the One? wasn't He from Nazareth? what's He doing back here? the air was fused with an aura of doubt and anticipation.

 

the noise died as those started to stand and read from the scriptures. a psalm here, a prophecy there. after some time, He stood.  there was something different about this one -- His mere presence stilled the courts. a few eyes darted around, waiting. the attendant slowly came over and placed in His hands the book of Isaiah. He unrolled it. then He began to speak,

 

 

and then there was silence.

then a shuffling -- He rolled the scroll up and gave it back. what was this message He spoke? surely He was not talking about Himself. would someone say something? is He preaching about the one John is preaching?

 

He could feel eyes burning in shock and slight disdain as He sat down. He smiled to Himself and opened His mouth,

 

 

and then their voices roared.

 

 

 

 

//

 

... oh Jesus, how your people treat you.

 

22And all spoke well of him and marveled at the gracious words that were coming from his mouth. And they said, "Is not this Joseph's son?" 23And he said to them, "Doubtless you will quote to me this proverb, 'Physician, heal yourself.' What we have heard you did at Capernaum, do here in your hometown as well." 24And he said, "Truly, I say to you, no prophet is acceptable in his hometown. 25But in truth, I tell you, there were many widows in Israel in the days of Elijah, when the heavens were shut up three years and six months, and a great famine came over all the land, 26and Elijah was sent to none of them but only to Zarephath, in the land of Sidon, to a woman who was a widow. 27And there were many lepers^[a] in Israel in the time of the prophet Elisha, and none of them was cleansed, but only Naaman the Syrian." 28When they heard these things, all in the synagogue were filled with wrath. 29And they rose up and drove him out of the town and brought him to the brow of the hill on which their town was built, so that they could throw him down the cliff. 30But passing through their midst, he went away.

the fold // gravity

 

 

one thing that can be slightly interesting pursuing higher education in the realm of physics and more is the general populus' connotation of what gravity is. the word gravity seems to be analogous to things falling down -- it's what keeps me and you on this lovely planet we call earth and things spinning in space.

 

 

when in reality, the concept of gravitational force is something that takes only masses into consideration. thus, the reason we're so drawn to stay "down" on earth, in layman's terms, is because of our mass and the earth's mass. (and distances, but that's kind of insignificant when we're all roughly the same distance from the center of the earth.)

 

simply put, any two objects with mass have a gravitational force towards one another. the coolest example i can remember from high school is that if you put two blocks near each other, they will slowly "gravitate" towards each other given a few thousands of years.

 

 

so in the same physical sense, i wonder if there's emotional and spiritual gravity. things that hold a lot of "weight" for us emotionally, spiritually, that draws us towards certain memories, people, places. people we feel comfort and safety with. spiritual giants in our lives we automatically turn to for prayer and discernment. those ones we feel the tug to pour out to when so-and-so happens.

 

but hey. the greater the distance, the less that force. whether it be physical, emotional or spiritual... laws of physics, i'm banking on you.

 

when will you be able to see past your own hands?
i’m taking down, empty pictures that we used to hold close, before you…

hi.

 

i hope you're doing okay, from the last -- and i guess first -- time i spoke to you. i thought about you during the second church service i sat through today. i wondered if you went to church today -- maybe st. george's.

 

then i wondered where you slept last night. i wondered if you read jonah and psalm 130 like i bookmarked.... i wonder if you just thought i was a dumb suburban kid who wasn't used to the harshness of the city yet. i wondered if you ever managed to talk about God again to your friend, the one with the government conspiracy theories. i wondered if today, i was seen talking to two homeless men in the park in the middle of the lower east side, if i'd be self-conscious. i wasn't then. i might be now.

 

and i wondered if you managed to still be okay, somewhere out there, 680 miles away. it's so easy to forget.... i so easily forget. i'm sorry i haven't been praying for you like i should -- i'm sorry... i hope you're doing okay... i hope you're finding grace in His arms....

 

there are days where i wish i could pick up, leave everything, and serve in the city again. today is one of those days. because... i do so easily forget. *sigh* i'm sorry for forgetting.

 

i hope you doing okay in the city. i hope one day i'll run into you again -- maybe i'll come back to serve at st. george's.

 

i prayed for you today. i hope God can keep me accountable to pray for you... for the rest of the people i met on a more regular basis too =/

 

signed,

me.

you know,

 

one thing i've realized lately is how christian and happy so many xanga posts about God are.

 

example:

 

<happy post>

oh man.. so im really struggling to see this God, but You're so good!!! earlier today, i was getting caught up in academics and being sucked into the asian expectations, but then i was able to step back and really see YOU! even though i'm so messed up, i'm prideful and can't do QTs regularly, i see YOU for who YOU really are, and praise God!

</happy post>

 

sometimes, i wish i could see a post like this:

 

<real post>

God... sometimes i don't feel like reading the bible. sometimes i don't feel like praying before i go to sleep. sometimes i go to fellowship because i have to, because i'm on praise team or welcoming. God, sometimes i know You're God, but i don't know it. and there's not a happy ending at the end of the day.

</real post>

 

and there's no, at the end of the day, at the end of the post... everything's okay. honestly, how many times do we really "struggle with" and "get over" things in the time period of one xanga post? which posts do we feel in our hearts more often.. the one who makes me feel like i'm a spiritual loser because sometimes i just can't see God's goodness, or the one that's real and honest?

 

 

 

 

....

 

God, sometimes i don't have it all together. and i don't know what i'm doing. and at the end of the day... i still don't know what i'm doing.

 

.....